


the tide that left and never came back

by teasockschocolate



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Miscarriage, because idk how hospitals work especially then
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 08:10:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14131854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teasockschocolate/pseuds/teasockschocolate





	the tide that left and never came back

Phillip opened his eyes when he felt his arm drop and heard the soft thump of feet hitting the floor; he pushed himself up in time to see Anne darting out of their room. He got up to follow her and stopped dead in his tracks when he heard retching.

 

“Anne?” His chest clenched and he ran after her, finding her on the floor next to a waste basket in the hall.

 

“‘Sorry to wake you,” She mumbled, dragging a sleeve across her mouth.

 

“Were you throwing up?”

 

“Just a stomach flu. No big deal.” She pushed herself to her feet.

 

Phillip frowned. “You’ve done this lately?” 

 

“Just a few times.” Anne shrugged. “Really, I’m fine. C’mon, let’s go back to bed.”

 

Phillip caught her arm and pressed the back of his hand to her forehead, ignoring her rolled eyes. “You don’t have a fever…”

 

“I said I’m fine. C’mon,” She tugged on his shirt and he allowed himself to be brought back to bed.

 

The next morning he tried to insist on her staying home from the show, but she’d put her foot down. 

 

_“Phillip Carlyle, just because my stomach acted up a couple times does not mean I can’t do my job.”_

 

_“Anne, your job is flying through the air. That’s not good for you.”_

 

She was set in her ways, however, and that night he kept nervously glancing to the ropes above him. She was doing well — nothing out of the ordinary about her behavior and he was beginning to think maybe she’d been right.

 

He saw it coming a split second before it happened.

 

The trapeze that swung towards her didn’t come quickly enough. It was just past her fingertips, and time stood still while she dropped. He saw the flash of panic in her eyes and a frantic fumble of her fingertips before she headed into a free fall. He heard the gasps around him, felt his own stomach lurching and his feet kicking up sand as he sprinted towards the center of the ring. His knees hit the ground seconds after she did.

 

Her torso smacked the ground, her right arm twisted at an odd angle underneath her as she lay on her side. 

 

“Anne? Oh my god, Anne, are you alright?” 

 

Her eyes were unfocused as they met his.

 

“Think so,” She tried to lift herself up and with a yelp fell back.

 

“Someone call an ambulance!” Phillip yelled over his shoulder, laying a light hand on Anne’s head.

 

“Anne!” W.D. dropped to her other side. 

 

A crowd was forming around them and Anne was getting visibly overwhelmed.

 

“W.D., help me get her up,” Phillip repositioned himself into a crouch, cradling Anne gingerly.

 

“Should we move her?” 

 

“Well, we can’t just leave her here.”

 

With a hesitant nod, W.D. tucked an arm under her knees and helped move her to Phillip’s arms.

 

Phillip rose with a grunt and with W.D. by his side, wove his way through the growing crowd. 

 

“Where the hell is that doctor?” Phillip snapped when Anne let out a whimper of pain.

 

“Bellevue’s on the way,” Lettie panted. “Should be here soon.”

 

“Thank you,” Phillip nodded to her, returning his attention to Anne. “What hurts?”

 

“Arm and stomach.”

 

“Like your stomach before?”

 

She gave a tiny shrug.

 

“Are you gonna throw up again?”

 

“She’s been throwing up?” W.D. frowned. “And you let her up there?”

 

“I couldn’t exactly stop her,” Phillip defended.

 

“Dunno,” Anne answered. She tried to reposition herself and let out a gasp of pain. She turned her face into Phillip’s chest with a whine and he pressed a kiss to her hair.

 

“It’s okay, you’ll be okay,” He murmured, anxiously glaring for the ambulance.

 

“Here they come,” W.D. stepped forward to wave down approaching vehicle.

 

Paramedics hopped out with a gurney, taking Anne from Phillip and pulling her onto it. W.D. followed but a medic put out a hand to Phillip.

 

“Family only, sir.”

 

Phillip’s fingers twitched. “She’s my wife,” He lied. They weren’t married — not yet — but there was no ground for this man to doubt Phillip on.

 

Under different circumstances, the incredulous look the man gave Phillip would’ve set him off. Nonetheless, the man stepped aside and allowed Phillip in. 

 

On the bumpy ride to the hospital, a medic looked Anne over.

 

“Shoulder looks dislocated.” He called to another.

 

“Hold on, ma’am.” The other muttered, expertly maneuvering her arm and provoking a cry of pain from her. Phillip’s chest tightened as her fingers did around his and he wished nothing more than to take the pain away from her. For it to be him on the gurney, as it’d been a year ago.

 

“Ribs could be cracked as well. We’ll need to do a scan to check for internal bleeding at the hospital.”  The medic who’d done her shoulder sat back with a nod.  “Until then, A few questions, miss, if you’re up for it.”

 

“She literally just fell from a trapeze.” W.D. protested.

 

“Sure,” Anne answered. 

 

“Name?”

 

“Anne Wheeler.”

 

“How’d you injure yourself?”

 

“Fell from the trapeze.”

 

“Has this happened before?”

 

“No.”

 

“Any other major medical incidents in your lifetime?”

 

Anne glanced at her brother and frowned. “Don’t think so.”

 

“When was the last time you bled?”

 

“Umm…” Anne blushed. “Not sure.”

 

“Is there any chance that you could be pregnant?”

 

Phillip felt the tips of his ears burn as W.D. shot him a glance and Anne’s cheeks reddened even more. “Umm,”

 

The ambulance then jolted to a stop and the doors were thrown open. 

 

“We’ll take her in for medical observations. Wait in the lobby for now and we’ll come get you when we have an update.” The lead medic explained as he and the other lifted Anne down and shoed them away. 

 

The next hour or so was torturous; Phillip frantically pacing while W.D. sat in a chair stared at his hands.

 

“Sirs?” A middle aged doctor stood before them. “Here for Anne Wheeler?”

 

“Yes, sir.” W.D. rose. “How is she?”

 

“She’ll be fine.” 

 

Phillip let out a breath and the doctor turned to him.

 

“You’re the husband?”

 

“Um, yes sir.”

 

The doctor hummed. “You better come with me. I need to go over some things with her that you should be present for.”

 

“What about me? I’m her brother,” W.D. argued.

 

“I really believe it’s only necessary for the two of them to hear this right now. Your sister will be fine and you can see her shortly.”

 

“What do you need to talk to just me and Anne about?” Phillip felt his heart slowly crawling back into his throat.

 

“Please come with me.”

 

Phillip followed the doctor, casting a nervous glance to W.D. over his shoulder, down a hall and into a room where Anne lay, looking just as anxious as Phillip felt. 

 

“Hi,” Phillip took her hand and brushed her knuckles with his lips.

 

“Hi,” She whispered back.

 

“So, Mr. Carlyle, if you’ll sit with your wife,” Anne raised an eyebrow at Phillip who squeezed her hand lightly to shush her. “I have some difficult news.”

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“The abdominal pain that she is in is unnatural from a simple fall. We did an ultrasound to look for any internal damage and we found that she was with child.”

 

Phillip’s eyes widened and he heard Anne take a shaky breath.

 

“Unfortunately,” 

 

Phillip felt his throat close up and he desperately found himself wishing he couldn’t hear where the doctor was going with this.

 

“It appears that the baby has been lost. The trauma of the fall, along with other stresses, was simply too much.”

 

“I…” Anne’s voice was incredibly delicate. “I was… pregnant? Wouldn’t I have known?”

 

“You  were likely very early along. You said you’d been vomiting lately, yes? That’s a sign of pregnancy as well as an absence of menstruation.”

 

“Are you sure?” Phillip bit his lip.

 

“Yes. I’m very sorry.” 

 

“What does this mean for Anne?” 

 

“The embryo has yet to pass, so there will more abdominal pain and a good deal of blood soon. As she also broke two ribs, we’re going to move her to a room on the third floor.”

 

A painful silence stifled the room.

 

“I’ll give you two a minute.” With a nod, the doctor stepped out of the room.

 

“Oh, god,” Anne’s face was pale with a tinge of green. 

 

Still on the floor next to her, Phillip dropped his head to her hands, clutching them.

 

“I should’ve known,” She whispered. “This is—“

 

“It’s not your fault.” Phillip quickly stopped what she was going to say.

 

“It is.”

 

“No.”

 

She nodded furiously, tears spilling out of the corners of her screwed shut eyes.

 

“Anne,” He reached to cup her face and she flinched at his touch.

 

“Don’t.”

 

His hand trembled as he slowly lowered it.

 

“You can go.” Anne’s voice wobbled. “Here’s a good reason.”

 

“Anne?” His eyebrows knit together.

 

“You were gonna leave anyway.” Her eyes opened and wouldn’t meet his.

 

“What?”

 

“I knew you’d get tired of me or something eventually. You don’t have to stay with me. You can go now.”

 

“Anne, what are you talking about?”

 

“I killed your baby.” She gasped for breath. “I killed _my_ baby. I’m a monster.”

 

“Anne!” The tears he’d been fighting came and he jumped to sit on the bed next to her. “You did not.” He cupped her face despite her protest and turned her face to him.

 

 “You didn’t kill anyone. You’re not a monster. I’m not leaving you.” Each breath he took made him feel a little more nauseous. “This was a fluke. We didn’t know. This happens. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, it just happened.”

 

She shook her head. 

 

“Oh, Anne,” Phillip leaned forward, pressing his brow to hers. “And look at me,” He whispered. “I am never, ever, ever going to leave you. Nothing is ever going to change the fact that there isn’t a way for me to live without you.” 

 

A quiet sob shook her body and she squeezed her eyes shut.

 

“I love you,” She whimpered.

 

“I love you,” He kissed her, a soft hand on her cheek and their tears mingled.

 

“I’m sorry,” She murmured when they broke apart.

 

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” 

 

“This sucks.”

 

“Yeah,” He laughed humorlessly.

 

Phillip shifted next to her and pulled her to his chest. “But we’ll get through it.” She hummed in response and he nuzzled her hair. Her curls tickled his nose but he didn’t move from her.

 

“We’ll be okay.”

 

A soft knock startled the both of them.

 

“Hey,” W.D. stood tentatively in the doorframe.

 

“Hi,” Anne tried to smile weakly. 

 

Her brother crossed to them, pulling a chair to the bed. “So?”

 

Phillip tightened his arms around Anne.

 

“I… um…” She fumbled for the words, glancing to Phillip for help.

 

“She had a miscarriage.”

 

The words left a metallic taste in his mouth. A miscarriage. The word was foreign. Miscarriages happened to a sister’s friend. They were something that people heard about and never for once imagined that it would touch _themselves_. Never imagined it would be _their_ baby that didn’t make it to full term.

 

“Oh.” W.D.’s jaw slackened. “ _Oh_ ,”

 

“Yeah,” Anne was barely audible. 

 

W.D. fell forward to grasp his sister’s hands. “Oh, Annie,” He muttered. “How are you?”

 

She shrugged helplessly.

 

“Ms. Wheeler?” A nurse stepped into the room, followed by another nurse with a gurney. “We’re going to move you upstairs now.” 

 

Phillip and W.D. stepped back and followed them, not able to do anything to help. It wasn’t right — following Anne through a sea of sickness and death. She wasn’t like the elderly lying in rooms Phillip glanced in as they passed. She was supposed to be lively and soaring through the air. She didn’t belong on the ground where there was pain and decay.

 

The nurses situated Anne in a small private room at the end of a hall, and gave her a sedative drug for her pain.

 

One of the nurses was speaking, but Phillip wasn’t paying full attention to her. His focus was on Anne, eyelids drooping and mouth grimacing as she fought to stay awake. 

 

Her eyes met his and her arms reached ever so slightly. “Flip…” His nickname was barely audible passing her lips but he heard and immediately went to her, trusting W.D. to listen to the nurses and fill him in later. 

 

He sat by her knees and threaded his fingers through hers, but she tugged on his hand, pulling him next to her. He obliged and she curled her head into the crook of his neck. He pressed a firm kiss to her temple and felt her hot breath exhale as she instantly started to drift off. 

 

The usual warmth and sense of home that filled him when she lay beside him was absent, leaving only a numb and empty space in the center of his chest. It should be him in this hospital bed. She’d done nothing to deserve this. He’d heard stories of the inexplicable pain that comes with mothers miscarrying and wished more than anything that he could take that away from Anne. The loss he felt was nothing compared to what she would feel once the sedatives wore off.

 

He deserved to be in that bed, not her. He had too many flaws to count while she was an angel. Why she wanted him with her was a mystery to him.

 

And if he hadn’t let her up on that trapeze, if he had fought harder to keep her in bed and risk her being slightly angry with him, she wouldn’t be in this position now.

 

“Carlyle,” W.D.’s voice had a more gentle tone than it usually did. He seemed to know what Phillip was thinking. “This isn’t on you.”

 

Phillip’s eyes didn’t leave the soft curve of Anne’s stomach that the blanket covered. “If I didn’t let her up there…”

 

“She was gonna go anyway. No one can stop her when she sets her mind to something.” W.D.’s mouth twitched as he sat on the other edge of the bed.

 

He was right, Phillip knew that, but it didn’t ease the heavy weight in his stomach.

 

“Hey,” W.D. made Phillip meet his eyes. “It’s not your fault.”

 

Phillip nodded, allowing a small smile of gratitude.

 

W.D. awkwardly extended an arm to pat Phillip’s shoulder. “I’ll tell the others if you want.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

W.D. nodded gruffly and rose, pausing in the doorway. “It’s gonna be okay, Carlyle.” His eyes flicked to Anne and his gaze softened. “You guys are tough.”

 

When he left, Phillip dropped his head to Anne’s, pressing another kiss to her forehead. She hummed, throwing a sleepy arm across his chest as she twisted as much as her ribs would allow.

 

He linked his fingers with hers, rubbing a thumb across her calloused palms before bringing her knuckles to his lips to kiss.

 

“We’ll be okay,” He mumbled before joining her in sleep.

 


End file.
